Tag: sad

Good morning world.

So today i have a 102 things to do. I feel incredibly tired though so i think i will end up feeling shitty this afternoon. My mother has been very demanding this morning so my good mood from yesterday is in danger of changing pretty fucking quickly. Money worries are stressing me out today too as i have a lot to pay out over the next few days.
Im not sure being a adult is much fun at all. Its bloody freezing and i want to go back to bed with a hot water bottle.

Hope every one has a good positive day.
till later
x

Crazy busy

Had a manic couple of days, off work today so can get back to my Christmas planning. The UK had its first snowfall yesterday. Well local to me anyway. Here’s hoping for a lot more to come.
Home has been pretty settled for the last two days which makes a nice change although i dont suppose it will stay that way. It never does. I have a bad hangover today and have a shit ton of paper work to do, so lots of coffee will be needed. Im still very excited about the new job lined up, but need to get my ass in gear and work some stuff out. The partner has announced he is going to leave for a couple of days. which i think will be good for me as i need a breather. Things are changing between us. Hoping things will improve for me from now.
Hope everyone reading this has a great day and wish you all well.

till later
x

Too excited

Good evening,
I had a long long day at work but tonight Iv just been basically offered my dream fucking job. I’m too excited. I feel that this could be an amazing start of a incredible journey with learning opportunities ect that could aid my leaving this crazy house and finding my own feet. I have another long day at work tomorrow but I doubt il sleep much as I’m in such a high. I need to think a lot of my next few movements through since we are coming up Christmas ect. I must play my cards right.

Home life hasn’t been too bad for two days so that’s pretty nice. A few drinks but not my usual consumption. Hoping everyone out there is good!

Love to you all
X

Positive

Well i got the job although i need to decide whether the hours are going to be do able for me. I have just sat down with a large red wine and intend on watching a Christmas film with the children when they finish their homework. I have decided to maybe look at taking on another course to hep build my career.
The partner does not seem to be talking to me today although i am not too sure why, but i am not too sure i care either. I need to focus on pulling myself out of a hole and i think using work is a good way to try and do this.

Not enjoying the chill in the air today, i have been frozen all day.. I would not mind if snow came with it haha. So jealous of the snow people are getting at the moment and most of them do not even like it. All the berries have disappeared from the holly bush outside so i wonder whether we will have a bad winter as from what i have heard and read, if the birds take the berries early in winter it is a sign we will have a harsh one. Wild life are just amazing. We had a phenomenal summer for this country so quite possibly a bad winter is on the way. Fingers crossed.
Hope everybody is enjoying their day.

x

Fingers crossed for today.

So yesterday i had my first day back at work, long hours but was good to be back. My nutty mother flipped out saturday night but i just left and gave her space. I have a big today as maybe getting my dream work role. Which would be fantastic but i wont know till late afternoon/early evening so i will be on edge all day today!
Its pretty worrying that christmas is only just over a month away although all i want to is drink wine and listen to christmas music. I love the atmosphere everywhere towards christmas.

I hope everyone out there who reads this has a fantastic day.

Till later,
x

Good morning.

In light of my shitty evening last night i intend to try and be positive and be happy today. So far its 10am and iv made and eaten pancakes with my children. Had a nice cuppa and am now watching a movie about Christmas.. Today is certainly far better so far than yesterday. I have a mountain of housework but that shit can wait. Work tomorrow and although that is certainly draining and stressful in its self, its most certainly easier than being at home sometimes so i may enjoy it. I have decided i want to cut down on drinking, although i dont drink every night, i generally drink 5/7 days on a bad week and 2/7 on a good week. I think it fuels my anxiety, depression and mood swings. alcohol is only a temporary solution to problems.. and in my experience the problems seem much much worse when the hangover hits.
I need to start saving up to get out this crazy shit storm that i call home. I need a new beginning but im not sure when il finally be able to do this.

What i need is some snow, i envy you people who live in places where you get snow. I have not seen good snow for years now, i find it calming and fascinating when i do see it. I think the weather is one of the most amazing things, Autumn is just beautiful.. All the gorgeous leaves falling, the different colors and the smell. My favorite time of the year.

what makes me sad if im being honest

following on from previous post:
I suppose i might as well be honest.. Iv suffered with an eating disorder for half my life.. My mother knows this and still throws this at me in a way to make me feel shit.. ” oh your always hugnry” ” your pretty fat it wont hurt you to wait for abit”

i cant cope with this shit. Like now, im hungry and shes been cooking a 30 min meal for 2 hours for fuck sake and when i dare say how long will it ( baring in to mind its almost 11pm and i have to work at 6 am) i get the worlds biggest shit. My so called partner sits with her and laughs at her awful digs and shit towards me.

I cant take much more of this. I really fucking cant. I hate it here. i hate everything about this life. fuck sake.. why do i have to have the devil reincarnated for a mother.

I nneed to be rid of him and her. ( partner and mother)

Drunk

I am now drunk and putting up with my mothers shit. The pure crap that come out this womans mouth is unreal. I literally want to hang myself whilst listening to this. She hates me, i hate her. It is pure torture.. I would love nothing more than to hear i am adopted. She cant even stand within a feet of me without making me shivering in disgust. She is literally my worst nightmare, she makes me sick. Spending this time with her makes me want to kill myself. Is there anyone else out there that feels this way towards their birth mother. I cant even pretend to be normal around this soul sucking cunt. Yes cunt is a bad word but its the only way to describe this piece of shit. I am bound with this curse of having her as a parent. My dad is not quite as bad but is a suicidal non existent cunt too.
All the health professionals i have seen before tell me this is a huge contributing factor within my issues in life.. i say i just must have
i must of drew the short straw.

And just to add.. i dont want any parents at all.

guilt and regret.

It would appear i drank way too much last night and told my partner that i no longer love him. Unfortunately this is partly true and has been for a while. I feel guilty for telling him in this manner although he does not seem to think i meant it.
I can be such a bitch at times. But i suppose im nearing my boiling point with him where i just cant put up with his shit on top of my own. I dont really know how to approach this with him when im sober, but i guess its something that needs to be addressed and pretty soon.
Im most definitely having a down day today, My anxiety is through the roof. I feel tired beyond words and im stressed about things that i do not even know what they are. Ahhhh i love being inside my head. Its just one big crazy twisted place.
i suppose i should be used to it by now. just a cold hearted dark bitch me.