Feeling low and overwhelmed

I am finding work and changing jobs incredibly stressful, i should not feel this way as its for the best but i think i am struggling with the change. I feel physically sick and sad. I have a long day tomorrow at work and i just feel like running away. The partner is still here and i am dying to have the bed back to myself. I am panicking about Shopping for Christmas and i do not really know why as i am almost done. I have not been sleeping well and i do not know why. I think i am just having a low week. Hopefully next week will be better.
Hope everyone is well.

x

Good morning world.

So today i have a 102 things to do. I feel incredibly tired though so i think i will end up feeling shitty this afternoon. My mother has been very demanding this morning so my good mood from yesterday is in danger of changing pretty fucking quickly. Money worries are stressing me out today too as i have a lot to pay out over the next few days.
Im not sure being a adult is much fun at all. Its bloody freezing and i want to go back to bed with a hot water bottle.

Hope every one has a good positive day.
till later
x

That time of day..

When the red wine is opened and dinner is cooking. I have had a good day today. Im feeling chilled and refreshed ( providing i ignore the housework that needs to be done) Its such an amazing feeling to have enjoyed my day as i have so many that i just cant and dont enjoy. I have another day off tomorrow so i shall try and be productive tomorrow also.
Waiting for the crazy mother to return home, hoping for a peaceful evening. Fingers crossed. I have a busy weekend planned, which will keep me out of the house as much as possible. Its always easier to be out of the house at the weekends as that is when the crazy mother is at her worst. Way too much time for her drink and turn into a fucking psycho.

Hope everyone had a good day too.
x

Crazy busy

Had a manic couple of days, off work today so can get back to my Christmas planning. The UK had its first snowfall yesterday. Well local to me anyway. Here’s hoping for a lot more to come.
Home has been pretty settled for the last two days which makes a nice change although i dont suppose it will stay that way. It never does. I have a bad hangover today and have a shit ton of paper work to do, so lots of coffee will be needed. Im still very excited about the new job lined up, but need to get my ass in gear and work some stuff out. The partner has announced he is going to leave for a couple of days. which i think will be good for me as i need a breather. Things are changing between us. Hoping things will improve for me from now.
Hope everyone reading this has a great day and wish you all well.

till later
x

Too excited

Good evening,
I had a long long day at work but tonight Iv just been basically offered my dream fucking job. I’m too excited. I feel that this could be an amazing start of a incredible journey with learning opportunities ect that could aid my leaving this crazy house and finding my own feet. I have another long day at work tomorrow but I doubt il sleep much as I’m in such a high. I need to think a lot of my next few movements through since we are coming up Christmas ect. I must play my cards right.

Home life hasn’t been too bad for two days so that’s pretty nice. A few drinks but not my usual consumption. Hoping everyone out there is good!

Love to you all
X

Positive

Well i got the job although i need to decide whether the hours are going to be do able for me. I have just sat down with a large red wine and intend on watching a Christmas film with the children when they finish their homework. I have decided to maybe look at taking on another course to hep build my career.
The partner does not seem to be talking to me today although i am not too sure why, but i am not too sure i care either. I need to focus on pulling myself out of a hole and i think using work is a good way to try and do this.

Not enjoying the chill in the air today, i have been frozen all day.. I would not mind if snow came with it haha. So jealous of the snow people are getting at the moment and most of them do not even like it. All the berries have disappeared from the holly bush outside so i wonder whether we will have a bad winter as from what i have heard and read, if the birds take the berries early in winter it is a sign we will have a harsh one. Wild life are just amazing. We had a phenomenal summer for this country so quite possibly a bad winter is on the way. Fingers crossed.
Hope everybody is enjoying their day.

x

Fingers crossed for today.

So yesterday i had my first day back at work, long hours but was good to be back. My nutty mother flipped out saturday night but i just left and gave her space. I have a big today as maybe getting my dream work role. Which would be fantastic but i wont know till late afternoon/early evening so i will be on edge all day today!
Its pretty worrying that christmas is only just over a month away although all i want to is drink wine and listen to christmas music. I love the atmosphere everywhere towards christmas.

I hope everyone out there who reads this has a fantastic day.

Till later,
x

6pm time to unwind

I am hoping to have a nice meal and good nights sleep tonight. Currently craving a long walk alone to clear my head. I have a nice bottle of red wine and a blanket. Today has not been awful, its been pretty ok compared to others recently. I have tried my hardest to get on with my mother and partner today and ignore all sly remarks. I think i have done well. Although i think its insanely wrong that i have to pretend and hide my real feelings around them.
Iv been reading through some different sites on here this afternoon to see what is going on with others. I like to see glimpses into peoples lives. Sometimes its comforting but other times its quite saddening to see how different i feel they are to me. Im yet to find someone who can understand me and be on the same wave length.
I like to think there is others out there with a mind set similar to my own. Im yet to find anyone quite like me. Maybe thats good. Maybe its not. At least i have work to look forward to tomorrow. That can feel like a nice break. I love what i do. I love the people i work with, although one i have become increasingly close to over the last 2 months and have confided in about some bits in my life. Unfortunately i have placed some distance between us. Not really too sure why but i felt he knew too much about me. Ironic since here i am telling complete strangers shit that my closest friends dont have any idea about.

I wish anyone reading this a wonderful night or day depending where you live. I hope i sleep well tonight and i pray for the strength to get through another day tomorrow without feelings or anger and/or pure unhappiness.

Life is a bitch. Or at least it appears that way currently

Good morning.

In light of my shitty evening last night i intend to try and be positive and be happy today. So far its 10am and iv made and eaten pancakes with my children. Had a nice cuppa and am now watching a movie about Christmas.. Today is certainly far better so far than yesterday. I have a mountain of housework but that shit can wait. Work tomorrow and although that is certainly draining and stressful in its self, its most certainly easier than being at home sometimes so i may enjoy it. I have decided i want to cut down on drinking, although i dont drink every night, i generally drink 5/7 days on a bad week and 2/7 on a good week. I think it fuels my anxiety, depression and mood swings. alcohol is only a temporary solution to problems.. and in my experience the problems seem much much worse when the hangover hits.
I need to start saving up to get out this crazy shit storm that i call home. I need a new beginning but im not sure when il finally be able to do this.

What i need is some snow, i envy you people who live in places where you get snow. I have not seen good snow for years now, i find it calming and fascinating when i do see it. I think the weather is one of the most amazing things, Autumn is just beautiful.. All the gorgeous leaves falling, the different colors and the smell. My favorite time of the year.